Lost in the Darkness

mood: productive

music: Monument By: A Day To Remember

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

Dean Winchester never imagined himself the family man, but Callie Abrams changed him. He’d been twenty-four and drowning his sorrows in tequila when he first met her. Sam had just split for college, and he was pissed because he had yet again that night played mediator so he figured he earned the right to spend the rest of his shitty night drinking alone at the bar, she on the other hand was planning to spending the night with two of her friends but both had got piss-faced drunk and split with some truckers that were just passing threw. Fate had apparently been on both their sides that night, because he had been the one she plopped down next to at the bar and the rest as they say is history. They kept their relationship a secret from their parent’s for a year and a half before he decided to propose to her. Their parents had been pissed and were even bold enough to forbid it, but neither could stop the young couple. Three months after their engagement, the two and a small group of friends met at the small Baptist church on Maple St. to marry. Her father still pissed about the whole thing took it upon himself to embarrass and hurt Dean in front of everyone by telling him he was worthless and not good enough for his daughter, well this of course set off Dean’s father and before all was said and done every guest was out of their seat yelling and arguing. The two set for the longest time and listened quietly to the group fight about their future, and he occasionally dabbed dry the tears she let fall over her ruined wedding day. He’d fixed everything though, when he played the song he choose for them to dance their first song to…Livin’ on a Prayer by Bon Jovi, it was so beautify cliché, but so perfect. They’d been married six months when they found out they were expecting their first child. Everything was going great with the pregnancy and she never complained, but two weeks until her due date she began to experience severe cramping. Dean had rushed her to the hospital were an emergency c-section was preformed. Mother and Son…Walker would be fine, but she would never carry another child again. She’d been devastated and once they got home she spent most of her time in bed sobbing until one day Dean drug her out of bed and gave her the cold hard truth, the didn’t have money because he’d had to stay home with their son, and that he couldn’t keep barrowing money from her parents to keep them afloat. That left her at home with Walker, but three months of this left her crazy and she did something that would break Dean’s heart.

Flashback

“Callie baby I’m home! I was thinking, since Jake gave me the rest of the day off we could spend the day at the park with Walker” Dean yells as he enters the house and sets his keys on the small stand in the entry way

“……..” silence is the only answer he receives

“Callie” he calls as he makes his way up the stairs because he hasn’t found her down stairs

Checking the nursery he finds Walker all alone in his crib still dressed in the blue pajamas he put on him after his bath the night before.

“Hey buddy, whatcha doin all alone in here for?” he tells his son trying to sooth the now whimpering little boy to be rewarded with in his opinion the most beautiful thing in the world…his son’s gummy grin

“Well, would you look at that” he laughs “All lop-sided and dopey like Uncle Sammy’s. You haven’t met Sammy yet because he’s still mad at daddy and pappy, but you’ll love him and he’ll love you. I even hear you have an Aunty Jessica and she’s going to love you too” he tells Walker as he picks him up and carries him down the hallway to his and Callie’s room

“Say mommy, come out and play with us” he calls as he enters the room only to find it empty

“What the heck?” he questions in his now censored language before he leaves the room to go back downstairs hopping she might have been outside and not heard him come home

No luck, just a letter:

Dean,

      I knew from the moment I met you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I just can’t pretend anymore. When we got married I knew that for me children wouldn’t be an option, I didn’t want to share you with anyone else. So when I found out that I was pregnant, I had to do something about it, I had to get an abortion. Telling you I was having your child was the worst mistake I’ve ever made, because when I told you I saw this light spark in your eyes that had never been there, a spark that had healed the rest of the wounds in your soul. That day I made a promise to myself that you would never know the pain this pregnancy was bringing me. I never let you know how the morning sickness made me miserable, how my feet and back killed me, or how more and more each day the pain in my heart made putting on a happy face harder and harder. The day the cramping started, I was terrified because I knew if I lost the baby I might lose you too, but deep down somewhere it was making me happy, because losing the baby meant that it could be just us again. I shoved that feeling down though when I saw the panic on your face as you drove me 50 miles over the speed limit to the hospital, and the feel of fear you gave off as they pulled me threw the swinging double doors into emergency room and wouldn’t let you come with me. I experienced some happiness for the first time since I found out I was pregnant when you walked smiling threw my hospital room door and placed “our” squishy pink blob bundled in blue in my arms. It wasn’t cause of the baby though; it was because of how happy you were. I cried when they told me we couldn’t have more children, it made me happy but I knew that hurt you so I had to play the part of the grieving mother. Coming home had to be the worst though, you would spend hours with Walker and I felt like you didn’t want me anymore so I let you believe I was grieving over not being able to have anymore children when really I was grieving over not having anymore you. I laid in our bed those days and day dreamed about what we’d be doing if Walker wouldn’t have happened; we spend our days at the park or the beach, maybe you’d rush home everyday during lunch to get a little “dirty” time. But again, my dreams stopped mattering the day you pulled me aside to explain our financial situation to me. You told me we didn’t have money because you had to stay home and take care of the baby and that you had been barrowing money off my parents just to keep the basic necessities and utilities taken care of. I know how degrading it must have felt going to my father for money when he told you on our wedding day in front of everyone how you weren’t man enough for me, how you wouldn’t be good enough for be, and you wouldn’t be able to provide for me like a suitable man would. I want you to let you know how proud I am of you for being able to prove how much of a man you are, how you could shove your own pride away to ask them for help so you could provide for your family. I’ll make sure that if I ever talk to my father again I let him know he should be proud of you as well. I’m sorry to leave you alone to raise Walker, I hope one day that you can see my side of things and know that twenty years from now you’ll still be my one and only love.

                                        Please don’t hate me,

                                        Callie

      He didn’t realize he was crying until poor little Walker started whimpering because his daddy was getting him all wet.

“I’m sorry buddy” he says as he stands and begins to rock his son back and forth

“Don’t worry buddy, you and daddy are going to be okay. We’re Winchester, and you know what that means, that we’re survivors and we’ll make it”

Sorry to end it their, hope you liked it! Sorry if I offended anybody with Callie’s letter.